This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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