Swine flu. Run for my life!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Sober January is a disaster.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
