I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
