K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
