Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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