The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
