You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
