Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The power of my boobs compel you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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