every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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