The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
