Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
