I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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