Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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