we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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