I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think your dad took our porno
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
