if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
