Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
