They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
