Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sober January is a disaster.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
