three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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