considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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