I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
