If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
