Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
