VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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