I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
