Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize