so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
