We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
