Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
