it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
