also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Soap is not a condiment
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need to sanitize my soul.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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