Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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