My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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