So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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