a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
