I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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