Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
