The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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