you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
