Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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