I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
