My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
