oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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