I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
