Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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