Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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