My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there's paper in my vomit.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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