I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
