so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize