She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This house was built for laser tag.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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