oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
