So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
