I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
