Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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