I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
