I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm like, not good at living.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
