I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Drunk is a universal language darling
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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