Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
