Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
