is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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