is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
