We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
