new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
