He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
