Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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