I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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