If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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