We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
