Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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