hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
