Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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