weddingsv make me drug and hornr
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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