I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
